Lauren A. Hathaway Lauren A. Hathaway

ramblings

Lies



For how royally fucked up do you think you are

Climbing up the same tree

Eating the same

 

Bad

Apples

Bad

 

Gaining power

Seeing wisdom

Craving that equal

That best friend

There

Just too dumb to understand

 

Lies

Liez

Lies

Liez

 

The lies we tell ourselves

The lies we face

All the lies of the entire human

race

 

Flocking to secrets

Some choosing to see

Rank your awareness

 

See so clear

Feel so clear

Be so clear

 

That you know the sun is coming in

Each and everyday

A little closer

 

Too bright

Too bright

 

You may even say

 

And you are not even hung

Over

Or had anything to drink

 

That day

 

Alcohol is the world’s poison

Let it be

What you may

 

He found someone else

And now I’m alone

Or I just made that up in my head

I really don’t know

 

Heroin

Heron

Hero

Her

 

I lost you in the game.

You heard?

And why you got to act like such a 

clown

Ass nigga

Now

 

Like really

Asking for my cash

And then getting some ass

You seriously talk this type of way now

 

Oh sweet baby

Oh sweet love

 

Remember when we used to hug

And I always felt safe with you

You held me down

Until you didn’t

And I found what I found

 

That night I found out you was cheating

You left my heart

Open and bleeding

Just beat me

 

Because I cant take this no more

And every last time was

Was always

No more

 

And No more

Is

Always

Just wait

One more

 

Time

 

You couldn’t have made me stay

All I could do was run

So far away

 

But you were always there

Calling me

Day

After

Day

 

Like I’m just a prize

And your just happy you

came

This is your game

 

You never gave up

I was surprised by that

You made me believe

You’d always have

My back

 

And I really truly forever and ever

Believed that

And now

I’m naked

Crying on my bed

 

Reaping the sewing of this

Karmic wind

 

Understanding now

That you did

Win

 

Now that you got back

What you thought

You lost for good

 

I’m now just a prize

Placed on the mantel

 

So beautiful

So misunderstood

 

I tried to be the best too you

Until I couldn’t try

 

You always used to answer my calls

Respond

 

Now

Just lies

 

And I cry.

 


ASHTRAY

How much fucking pain are you in

And are you looking for daddy

Wondering where he is

 

Burying mothers

And reuniting as lovers

 

When you see your soul mate

For the first time

Again

 

And you have to leave them

It is not apart of your rhyme

You have learned too much

In such little time

Know too much

Don’t get locked

Down

Don’t collide

 

Sacrifice is as great as the knives that

Rattle

And the pain of being

Caged

Is like

A broken

Ash Tray

Slicing open your leg

You wonder how deep

You can go

Buried alive in the rush of

Pain

 

Vain

Absolutely

Break my mirrors

I will never indulge

In living in fear.

 

I have been stripped of my identity

Ruined amongst

Insecure

Lost

Souls

Who don’t even pretend

Or see

Mold

 

Are acts of rebellion

Infectious

We are

Affected

Come from the soil

Resonate your soul

Encapture it

Hold.


CRUTCH

Pain

The wildest hurt the most

Control

Get a job

Little girl

You are broken inside

How is this crutch if you are going to need

Another

For your

Crutch

How silly is that

You are bleeding

Ha ha

Look at that.

 

You are

Diamonds and stars

Exploded into the ground

Are you happy

You were found

 

You shined to bright

And took on the night

 

Where are you now

What is loss if not pain

What are we here

To gain

If we haven’t lost it all

 

Accept complete

Stillness

Amongst it all.


GROW

Im cleaning out my garden

Its time to say goodbye

Im going to love myself now

Let me crawl away


Die.


SOULSIX 

Sometimes we wait entire lifetimes for a certain feeling. When we discover that feeling we bottle it in a jar, never letting it go. Ultimately, suffocating it to its death.

Obsession, power, control, jealousy, all lead in one direction.

How fast are you going to die

How will you spend your time

Will you drink your water

And care for your brother

If your wondering if I think about

You

I do

And if you wonder if I miss you

I do

I think about how you loved me

How you left me confused

I felt your pain

Because I was and am

Pain


Deep

Satisfying

Wetness

My only reckoning for nostalgic

Salvation


Grow up

Grow up

Grow up

They say


But mom, I am too young for wrinkles on my face.

And when is too young

Never young enough

 

Firing chances

Getting chances

Recognizing a chance

Vs.

A hole

If only you knew how far you could go

 

And I read somewhere that one might have gone deep down in a pile of shit because there was a piece of gold at the bottom of it.

But now the piece of gold has been

Sold

Traded

Melted down

Transformed

Jaded.

 

How are we feeling today

What are we seeing

How do we survive

What is this pain we numb

Inside

And my

Pain

My hole

All comes from

 

Fear

Let go

 

Always searching for more

Forever running away

 

All these fears

Must be faced

 

Him, her and they cannot

Save me

 

Energy much by moved

Transferred

Anayalized

 

Why fuck someone that doesn’t fuck you back

What’s the sense in that

 

And how many more

Lessons

Observations

Perspectives

Will you share

There’s only so much insight

So much you can give

My dear

Exhausted heat

 

And you know it’s never over

And it continues to

Unfold

I will ultimately and choose too

Die

Rest

And be

Alone

 

This is me

Letting us go.

 

 

 WATER

It’s down pouring

I praise the rain

The only comforting thing left

Physical

Wet

 

It floods the floor

Puddles in my room

 

Thanking the sky

For its tears

For I didn’t have to cry

And now

The days go

Bye

 

Ill wonder where you are

What your doing

Who your with


Ill miss your face

But I know

The truth

My body

Tells

Me

All I need to know

The greatest

Navigator

If you’re sensitive

You

Know

 

See there’s a pit

In the center of my being

 

It’s clogged

Trying to get clean


And it hurts

A day deafen pain

 

Being attached

I scream

When will these

Chains

Break me free

And there just not

Enough weed

In the world

To help me

 

So I’m going back

To way back

When

 

I was an angry

Frustrated teen

With a pen

And a pad

Free

Poetry

 

When everything was

Beautiful

Bright

And

Knew

Who am I

What should I

Do.


FEATHERS

I am scared and a tad worried, but I have faith and hope in my plans. That they will go through clean. I ask the universe for guidance and support in my travels. Please hold space for me and protect me. I forgive myself. I forgive all who have hurt me and played me.